It’s all relative.

One of my favorite clients has used that phrase frequently and I’ve found myself using it as a good reminder the last year and a half. It’s so easy to get caught up in ourselves, what we feel, what we want, what we aren’t getting. I’m not sure about you all, but I have seen some sides to some people that have surprised me recently. So I remind myself, we all are going through our own struggles at our own pace. I laugh at some of the times I thought I was ‘struggling’ early in life in comparison to much more challenging times years later! Sometimes, someone else’s struggles aren’t as hard as times I’ve struggled myself, but that doesn’t mean I discount their struggle at this moment.
I’m blessed to say that I’ve been able to keep my perspective positive lately, but not everyone is ready for that. And that’s okay! It’s not my job to judge how people handle their own situations and I think we should all remember that. We are all entitled to our own emotional reactions and feelings to a certain situation. I’ll start with a simple weather example…

During the summer, a lot of people get hot!

They start to get hot 90 degrees and I try hard not to laugh at that every summer. (I definitely don’t succeed most of the time!) They know it’s going to get to almost 120, right? They should really be enjoying 90 degrees. But it’s all relative! They aren’t outside in it all day like myself, they are used to going into the air conditioning within an hour. So 90 degrees really is hot and they won’t have to handle it too long, so it’s okay! Most likely they probably won’t even come out when it’s above 100. Their loss is they won’t get to ride for most of the summer but that’s okay, not everyone needs to be as crazy as us summer lizards! I can’t change people’s opinions about the weather and I’m not about to put them in a position that’s uncomfortable. So I tell them, I understand, tell me how much you want me to ride your horse this summer, and we all get along just fine!

What about when kids get upset at a horse show?

Their horse has only had a few bobbles and they’ve been putting hours of practice in and you think their actually doing pretty well considering how very little show hours the horse has had. But even though you’ve prepared the kid for this through countless conversations, they still feel like they’re a failure because the judge’s placings are telling them so. Do you tell them about all of the times you’ve failed and how much it really, truly takes on each and every horse to finally get close to placing near the top? You might give them a varied version of that, but I’ve found telling my own tales isn’t as helpful as allowing them to simply have their emotional moment. Let them get frustrated and sad for a bit if that’s what they need. Just because you’ve figured it out already, doesn’t mean they don’t get to feel bummed when they’ve hit that tough realization of just how much work life is. (Did I say life? I meant horse shows.) When they’re ready to go you can tell them to pick themselves up and let’s get to it.

Every single one of us seems to have a different idea of how this COVID situation is going. In quarantine some people didn’t get to see their families and some saw way too much of their families. For some it was a much-needed break from work, for others it meant a huge loss in pay. A lot of people have lost family members from it, others have only seen people have it similar to a passing cold. Some people are adamant about vaccinating for it while others are just as against it. I have never spoken to so many people more all over the board about something. And I talk to horse trainers! Those people have all kinds of ideas about how to do things differently! All I can say is, it’s all relative. Everyone seems to be making the best decision they can with the most information and experience they’ve personally been through. Everyone I’ve spoken to really seems to be doing their best, for themselves and for their families around them. In the meantime, I think being kind is the only answer as we communicate with each other on these subjects.

So let’s encourage everyone around us!

Let’s not judge and compare at first glance. Let’s realize that we all struggled ourselves to get here, and we are allowed to experience that however we need to. If you’re struggling because it’s hot, that’s okay, let someone know and they can get you an otter pop! If you just won your class and you notice someone who had a hard time, go tell them good job, they might need it more than you realize. We’ve all had our own completely different struggles in the last year, let’s keep that in mind moving forward as we all start to progress hopefully on the best path to healthy living for ourselves.